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Racing into the sun

Today has started out a bit slow. Little miss Kiwi managed to find her way into the main bedroom last night, so between the coughing in my face and the lack of a pillow (she is quite the pillow hog!) I was not the most motivated this am. Thankfully, she wasnt either. Cough medicine must have been just what she needed because I did not hear a peep from her again until 9 am! This does not happen in this household. It makes me a little nervous that its the calm before the storm. We had quite the weekend, I am in hopes that its just zapped energy from the weekend.

Last weekend was an intense family weekend. The husband and I both participated in a big race in our city. He chose the bigger of the races, a half marathon and I haphazardly chose the 5k to get off my tush and do something.

I chose to do it because I couldnt handle the crippling feeling of alone and unaccomplished. I hate that I don’t  pursue things because I have a fear of the end result will be less than stellar. Large crowds just creep me out too but I wonder if that came on with age or having a kid. I used to not care but its been a crushing feeling the last few years. Anyone out there with anxiety can only explain it has you are stuck physically like a deer in headlights while the internal part of you ends up hitting all the sensory buttons of your command center while screaming at the tops of its lungs frantically. Sounds fun, right? Add Highly functioning on to that and Im surprised people talk to me.Past the smile thats plastered on my face, can they see the eye twitch and shaking hands?

I also chose to do it because its part of my bucket list. I want to live and quite frankly, the options of life seem to be slowly dwindling. Pessimistic I know. Therefore, I choose to force myself into a better thinking. I cannot change the fact that the world is particularly dark lately, but life does actually go on, whether you want it to or not. I will continue to strive for the best for my family.  Participating in the race was a step towards taking care of myself and fufilling my needs even if its to just have a weird accomplishment.



Look at that excited face! I just finished and now understand what the REAL runners high feels like. It had been so long that I had run and enjoyed it. Cant say that I  super happy about running but you know,  the best an average female that just got into it can say.

Cheers to more medals and mileage on my shoes!




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