I own a dachshund. Two, actually. Positive reinforcement in life is supposed to be a must. But what do you do when the children (dogs and child in my case….don’t judge.) demonstrate a revolution against you? Let’s just talk about this..this “peaceful” part. Is it really for you or for the kid? Is it really even for dogs? Because I wasn’t feeling so peaceful picking up the vomit this am at 2:30 am….
Peaceful parenting in definition is- A constructive approach to molding the shape of your child’s thinking and environment through responses that are concentrate on the integrity of the relationship. Aka-positive reinforcement in my opinion. Just what I am supposed to be using already when training animals, fellow coworkers. Why is it so hard?
Ill tell you why. Because parenting is a giant joke. Seriously. Look at all those memes. Does that make you want kids!??! I laugh at these jokes often and in total jest. I don’t think any of them are parent hood at all. Not even the slightest. Maybe the ninja mom sliding on the floor after bed time. I’m sad that there are so many making it sound like parenting is soul sucking, life ending. It’s not. Or it doesn’t have to be.
Peaceful parenting means only one thing. It means that sometimes that shit doesn’t work and THATS OK. Parenting is a battlefield. As long as you aren’t purposely trying to traumatize/murder your kids….come on. There’s a lot of failure in parenting. I have screamed. I have even told my kid to move her ass. *it was the fastest I’ve ever seen her move and it actually made me look around to see if it was my OWN mother that actually said it.*
There happens to be an extremely thin line between having a Verruca child or a child that starts to creepily resemble that guy from Arrested Development ( Buster is what my nightmares are made of.) How come those are the ONLY ways to describe child rearing fears? They’ll either be a snowflake or a serial killer. or both. but not either? How about that choice? I would like to think that my child is the perfect amount of peelmyfaceoffwithherattitude and sharing-is-caring when it comes to having a good time. I want her to demand her presence be known, but I want her also to remember that she needs to give herself dignity all the time first. I want her to be kind, but take no shit. So why as an adult, am I going to teach her to take it from me or her father or our family members but not anyone else? Because sometimes you really should kick that cousin in the face and not even feel the slightest bad about it. (yeah, you. kid. she’s younger but shell give it to you if you don’t stop. EYES ON YOU!)
I like to think that I very much fall into the OK parenting category. No, I don’t want my child to get a participation medal all her life. Yes, she can have it now because she’s 3 and they are growing into sensitive stages and don’t really understand all that emotion because sometimes we (parents) tell them its not ok to let it go (in public.) Yes, I let my kid eat candy she gets from party bags and yes, I let my child pick her drink of choice at a party even if it isn’t the organic 100% pasture raised soy no msg brand choice.
No, I don’t fight my kid too much about dinner. Yes, I get annoyed at dinner but no I don’t fight her too much. She isn’t going to starve. I know this because she taught me where I hid the gold chocolate coins in the fridge, right after she taught me that she didn’t care that I or dad said no because ” I said I could have one though.” Yes, I try to talk it out. No, sometimes I still yell at her to move her ass when she’s pretty much telling me to F off. I just learn to bumble a bit with the language. Yes, I punish her when she has bad days but I do it in the way of “gosh im so disappointed” versus making her stare at a wall sitting on a chair all night.
Sometimes, if I hear she was mean to another kid…we explain why that really sucks. She explains back where she learned it. We explain that doesn’t make it right or okay, and it definitely doesn’t mean she can do it. The ever repeating cycle of if your friends jumped off a bring. I get it. This is life now. That doesn’t mean it has to be a meme that non parent friends can hold up to their chest and claim that this is why the world is burning now. I say it all the time. Maybe I was just ready or did what I wanted, but having a child did not ruin me. It taught me empathy more so than I already had. It taught me fear. It taught me a whole lotta boundaries. But it also taught me to take jokes, breaks, strides. You cant always be peaceful. You cant always be stern. You can always just be yourself and Im sure at the end of the day…..that’s the best way your kid loves you.