Swallowing the bitter pill

Growing up I was unusually fascinated with owning a bazooka. I was three, and wanted a bazooka so I could blow cars off the road out of our way. I am by no means from a violent family ( unless you count me being a middle child with lots of siblings) and I don’t even think weapons were something of my life aside from maybe loony toons. As an adult, I metaphorically still have those feelings. I can be a bitter bitter ninny.

But there’s something about the anger and the bitterness I find I associate with my little three year old self that wanted the bazooka. It’s possible at such a young age, I wasn’t able to really understand how to block off absorbing other peoples negative energies. Lately I’m still having that problem. I don’t know if it’s because I’m hugely pregnant and you just don’t have control of your emotions sometimes….sorry to that iPhone my last pregnancy….may you rest in pieces….but I really can’t stand a lot of people’s complaints lately. It’s hurtful and becoming too much. So what should I do?

I’ll tell you what I shouldn’t do. I shouldn’t let it affect me. I have plenty people in my life that I need to take a step back and realize how great they do have it. Sure, it’s not 100% but we have it so well off that we can actually gripe about it. Second, I need people around me to think more about the shoes of the others in the room. My gargantuan size 10’s can really hurt by the end of the day but I can guarantee I go to work and share space with someone that may not be able to make ends meet or even put food on the table every night. So let’s not. Let’s not swallow the bitter pill, giving it the time to ferment in our stomach, and produce stems through our veins causing bitter hate to come spewing from our eyes,ears, mouths. I’m really trying not to.

Maybe I should look in to anger/anxiety management. You know what extra helps that though? Baking chocolate chip cookies. I started baking because I felt I had too much angst in my life. Maybe today is the day to sit down alone, take that breather, and roll out some cookies.

🍪

Purge

I have never seen those movies. I probably won’t ever as well. I wonder if I lose my horror film star card because of it but its not really something that I think is “neat” to contemplate (not that any horror show is but fighting against Freddy has been a continuous nightmare for myself). I would probably spend the year trying not to piss anyone off, building a fortress and then weeping in the closet……oooorrrr I would be the worlds craziest murderer with a machete. No thanks.

That’s not the purge I am talking about today. I’m talking about the ever faithful millennial hype kick that I am currently falling on to the last couple months.

Minimalism.

I said it. Its out there. A good friend and I have been sending each other pictures/texts when we start to get rid of things. She has pro status at this point. I think she officially does live with only a 100 things and 98 of them being her books. (Kidding.) But that’s the thing. I don’t really want to be a minimalist. I just want less stuff….and I don’t want to work SO hard to make my house full of less stuff.

According to Wikipedia,  this is a movement from the 60’s and its just surging its foaming face to the surface again but with a different twist. Minimalism back then was in the arts. The less paint you had on the page the bigger the expression you were going for. So know, the less pens you own in your possession the bigger the person you are for it. Sleep DIRECTLY on the floor! Some of this stuff reminds me of when I just moved to this city. I literally had nothing. My parents bought me a bed, two side tables, and a matching couch and loveseat for a total of $35 from someone they knew. Those items for the most part lasted me for about 10 years or more. I actually have one of the tables still, and everything else was donated to someone else in need as I was upgraded to newer couches someone didn’t need. I’m not sure I want to go back to living like a poor unfortunate soul that just moved here and can’t figure things out.

I’m okay with living like the poor unfortunate soul that still cant figure things out but can at least just keep her house clean.  This leads me to my purge problem.  I can’t just “toss” things away. That’s extremely wasteful for the things that have done nothing but accidently collected dust in my presence. So what do I do? For months I have been posting things in the ‘Buy Nothing’ or Marketplace groups of Facebook. Its been a snails pace to get some of it gone. Now we are down to the things that can’t go on there due to the visibility of marketplace to others on Facebook.  Items are starting to raise questions as to why we are getting rid of them instead of using them for their purpose. Problem being, we loved the thought, but we don’t have the means for the purpose. There’s only so many hours in the day and that said item no longer can fit into a time slot even if I tried.

so now what?

I am open to suggestions. I am also willing to post pictures for those interested in my amazing not to purge my life away race.

 

 

Office from Hell

As promised, this is where I obtained the most recent baking recipe for the butterbeer. Her blog is good too!

Today is a sick day from me. I am glad I chose to stay home too because the feeling is less than stellar. While I am here I did some cleaning. The blog needed a new look, so please tell me(anyone!!) if it still needs work. I am still new at this, you know. I feel like today is not only a sick day but a mental health day. I need a day of just no brain work.  I love my coworkers and my job…but they don’t want me there today. I would be getting them more sick than they want to handle if you get my drift.

So today…I might clean up my home office. Its hell. I come in here and immediately don’t want whatever it was I came in for (mostly crafty things…) My brother has started to come to and fro for a job giving him this space to stay. We just have so much stuff and not much more to consolidate down to. We are doing our best but Ill start small. Ill clean the desk and go from there. Who knows, I might get the fancy idea to mow but I really just want to melt into the couch and sleep until I have to get up to parenting again. I hate being the sick one the most 😦